Grocery Shopping With Pyro
by Red Witch
Summary: Here's something scary, it turns out there's someone crazier to bring to a supermarket than the Brotherhood!


**I kind of threw out the disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters! This fic takes place shortly before 'Ascension'. Just a little bit of madness before the Season 4 finale!**

**Grocery Shopping With Pyro**

"Super Happy Chocolate Mocha Sugar Bombs?" Fred read the list.

"Check," Todd threw the box of cereal into the cart. 

"Krispy Donut Squares Cereal?" 

"Check." 

"Sugary Sweet Tropical Taffy Breakfast Treats?" Fred continued.

"Two boxes or three?" Todd asked. 

"Better make it three," Fred told him. "They're hard to find." 

"Check, check and check…" Todd threw them in. 

"Well I see you two are busy getting the essential breakfast items," Pietro zipped up to them. He plopped in an armful of products. "Well that takes care of my grooming essentials." 

"How many different shampoos do you need yo?" Todd looked at the bottles incredulously. 

"Toad you know my hair needs special conditioning so I have to use a different shampoo every day of the week so it gets that special volume, strength and control," Pietro sniffed. 

"You think that's bad Toad take a gander at these," Fred picked up some soaps. "Oatmeal scrub? Lava Lavender? Skin So Soft? There must be five different kinds of soap here!"

"How many soaps do you need a day?" Todd glared at him.

"Considering the fact that you only touch soap once a month I shall ignore that question," Pietro sniffed.

"Hey!" Todd glared at him. "You know darn well I take showers once a week now cause of Wanda!" 

"Once a week?" Fred looked at him. "Man you really are serious about her aren't you?" 

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my Crimson Cutie," Todd sniffed. "I'm even brushing my teeth every now and then."

"You know I thought they looked whiter," Fred remarked. "Well maybe not white but an off yellow." 

"If you two are finished discussing Toad's grooming habits will you give me a hand here?" Wanda grunted as she carried a huge watermelon over to the cart. 

"What do you need that for?" Fred asked.

"Ask him," Wanda indicated her brother with her head. "It's his stupid idea." 

"I've come up with a brilliant idea to torment Kelly if he gets elected to mayor," Pietro told them. "It involves a watermelon, mousetraps, red paint, firecrackers and a ferret. Which reminds me we have to stop at a pet store on the way home." 

"PIETRO!" Lance snapped as he walked up to them. "What did you do in aisle 7?"

"I merely rearranged a few items on the shelves," Pietro sniffed. "It's nothing I haven't done before." 

"You put dog food in with the frozen TV dinners!" Lance snapped. 

"Hey have you tasted some of those dinners?" Pietro remarked. "I feel the public should be informed!"

"Pietro we talked about your little stunts in places like this," Wanda snapped. 

"It's bad enough we have to go two towns over to get groceries," Lance hissed. "Do you wanna get thrown out of this store too?" 

"Relax, no one saw me," Pietro waved. 

"Hey love what you did with the dog food man!" Pyro in his civilian clothes walked up to them. "It was priceless!" 

"Just when things could not get worse…" Lance rolled his eyes. "What are you doing here?" 

"Well I was kind of bored back at the base so I said to myself, 'Self, there's nothing left to burn here. Why don't we go back to the Brotherhood House and see if there's anything fun to burn there'?" Pyro told them. "And then I asked myself 'Would they mind if I dropped in unannounced?' So I said 'Of course not! They'd love to have you over St. John. You are one happening dude!' And I asked 'Do you really think so?' So I says…" 

"As much as we'd all love to hear that fascinating conversation you had with yourself," Pietro groaned. "Could you cut to the chase?" 

"Oh right," Pyro nodded. "Anyway I got to your place and I saw you drive away. So I debated on whether I should patiently wait at the house and amuse myself by setting one of your neighbor's trees on fire or follow you guys. I didn't want to lose you so I had to make do."

That was when they heard the sound of a fire engine outside. "What did you set fire to?" Lance groaned. 

"Just a little shrub or two across the street," Pyro shrugged. "So what are you all doing here? Doing a little shopping?"

"No we're doing some spying on the produce manager," Pietro remarked.

"Cool! What's he done?" Pyro asked. 

The Brotherhood all looked at each other. "Uh Fred why don't you take our buddy Pyro here over and get some meats okay?" Pietro suggested. 

"Yeah come on," Fred gestured. 

"Okay," Pyro then noticed something on the shelf. "Wicked! Super Happy Chocolate Mocha Sugar Bombs! All right!" He grabbed a box and opened it. He started to stuff his face right out of the box. "I love these! Hey if you all are gonna have a barbecue I wanna help."

"Well you're certainly qualified for the job," Fred remarked as they left.

"The only thing he's qualified for is a trip to a padded cell," Wanda grumbled.

"You would know," Lance said under his breath.

"What?" She looked at him.

"I said what an ego," Lance covered. "He's even dumber than Toad."

"He is not! Is he?" Todd blinked. 

"So what do we do with him?" Wanda asked. 

"Make sure he stays out of trouble I guess," Pietro shrugged. "Geeze now I know how an X-Geek feels." 

"And how do we do that?" Wanda asked.

"We can feed him more cereal," Todd suggested. 

"A hyper fire maniac on sugar," Lance said. "Now there's a comforting thought." 

"Don't worry Lance nothing is gonna happen," Pietro told him.

BOOM!

"Cool!" Pyro shouted. "Look at all the lights explode!"

Fred hustled back. "Uh guys we had a slight incident in the meat department," He gulped. "Pyro wanted to see if he could cook all the meats while they were still in the package." 

"We're gonna have to use the Quicksilver Express System to get the groceries again aren't we?" Lance asked. 

"Well look at the bright side," Pietro shrugged. "We just saved ourselves a few hundred bucks! See ya back at the house!" 

"Try not to set any lawns on fire!" Wanda shouted after him as he took the cart and whizzed out of the store. 

"Yeah just what we need, more fire for him to play with," Todd grumbled as they started to hurry out of the store. "Well at least he's providing us with cover so we can make a getaway!" 

"And the X-Geeks think **we're **out of control?" Fred asked. 

"Pretty soon we're gonna have to go out of state in order to get food," Lance groaned. 


End file.
